I can feel myself gathering strength as we speak. Kinda like in Dragon Ball Z, when they're charging up those little orbs of energy in their hands, right before they release it and obliterate whoever it's pointed at. Yeah. Someday I'll be a super saiyan. Not yet, but soon. I still feel a lot of pain, anger, and frustration over the things that have happened in the last few months. I still get confused at why I feel the things I feel. I still get depressed and anxious. I still smoke away my frustrations and hope they'll evaporate with the ringlets. But, it's getting better.
Recently, I made a list of the things I needed to do. Here it is:
Things I Need to Fix:
Make appointments with:
OB/GYN
Eye Doctor
Internist
Take care of:
Car Insurance
Safety Check
Tow Fine
Service Car
HECO
Oceanic Cable
Verizon
Medical Bills
Change of Address
Find SD Card and mail
Set up TV, PS2 and Wii in room
Set up a workout plan
Set up a diet plan
Find another job
Think about school
So far, so good. I've taken care of some doctors appointments - especially the scary dentist. Not to mention, I've gotta get my wisdom teeth extracted. Buh.
The rest of it kinda requires some funding, so i'll have to work on it slowly. But these are all the things i've let slide over time. Time to clean it up. Time to clean up my life. Time to fix things, for myself. Time to say goodbye to some things. Time to let the struggle sink in. Time to let adversity make me a better person - for myself, and no one else. Call it a good day, a good week, whatever. I'll take it as it is. Tomorrow might be shitty. And the day after that, and the day after that. But it doesn't matter, because today I feel okay. One day at a time.
I also made a list of things I want to do.:
Visit Buddhist Temple
Go to the beach
Go bowling
Go walking
Random photo safari in Waikiki or anywhere
My friend helped me with some of these things. She wants to help me get out of my room, of my house, of my shell. And I want to help myself so I can be a positive influence in her life, too. I want to find out what I want to do for myself, because they genuinely interest me, instead of going along just because other people want me to. These are things I want to do with her, or even alone. I want to embrace my life outside of my head. There's more to me than the things I tell myself. I owe her a big thanks. She's helped me in ways she may not even know.
I've been listening to a lot of dubstep lately, getting lost in the sounds. It's pretty fun. Sometimes you just have to wear your stunner shades at night, smoke, and feel cool. Sometimes that all you can do to just feel a little bit better about yourself. YOLO.
