It's a love/hate relationship. - Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

Love/hate never felt so good/bad.

 

1. Sugar. Ooooh, do I love you. But you're bad for me. So bad in so many ways. My teeth! You poke holes in my teeth. I need those teeth. And you raise my blood sugar content too much. And you make my throat hurt sometimes. Why? WHYYYYYYY

 

2. Velcro. You are like god's gift to the world. You make things stick to other things by using your ingenious hairy and hook-like textures. But sometimes you are not so cool. Like on grandpa's shoes. Or when you leave that SUPER STICKY FILM on whatever surface you're sticking to. Or when you need the jaws of life to pry you apart from your velcro-soulmate. NOT COOL.

 

3. Contact lenses. You give me great joy and awe when I can see clearly without my glasses on! It's like I am a perfect human being again, made with eyes that are perfectly functional. So why do you torment me so? I understand that you are in love with my eyeballs, but do you have to stick SO WELL to them when I need to sleep? And then you completely change your mind, like a bi-polar lover, when I want to put you back into my eye! Where did that suction of love go? Can't you see that I need your help? No, you can't see. You're just lenses. And that means I can't see either.

 

4. My blanket. I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU. Why do you run away from me, in the middle of the night when I need you the most? It's chilly now, don't make me cheat on you with one of your friends - soft guest blanket. Show me your love and wrap me up in your warm goodness! Don't you love me? Why do you sneak out silently when it's the coldest part of the night and have secret rendezvous with the floor?

 

5. Bean sprouts. You are a very salty and tasty veggie. I like the way you crunch in my various asian soups. But - why must you make me so gaseous? Not even cabbage does this to me like you do. You make my insides swell and force me remain in uncomfortable silence until I get home. Do you know what it's like to feel like a human balloon? No, no you don't. You're just happily crunchy and slim as always.

 

6. Korean songs. You're so upbeat and fun. Sometimes you're sad and sweet. Most times you have a GREAT melody, that I can sing along to. But NOOOO. I can't speak Korean. I can't pronounce the words. You taunt me with your catchy and fun songs but when I try to follow along I sound like a retarded wookie.

 

7. Reality TV. What's not to love? Drunken fights, girl drama, hilarious catch phrases - could you ask for a better reality show? But you give me a bad rep, everytime I mention you. I waste an hour per show per week of my life watching you. You are my guilty pleasure.

 

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