Dragon Ball Z

Life is kinda hard to figure out sometimes.

I can feel myself gathering strength as we speak. Kinda like in Dragon Ball Z, when they're charging up those little orbs of energy in their hands, right before they release it and obliterate whoever it's pointed at. Yeah. Someday I'll be a super saiyan. Not yet, but soon. I still feel a lot of pain, anger, and frustration over the things that have happened in the last few months. I still get confused at why I feel the things I feel. I still get depressed and anxious. I still smoke away my frustrations and hope they'll evaporate with the ringlets. But, it's getting better.

Recently, I made a list of the things I needed to do. Here it is:

Things I Need to Fix:

Make appointments with:

Therapist

OB/GYN

Dentist

Oral Surgeon

Eye Doctor

Internist

Take care of:

Car Insurance

Safety Check

Tow Fine

Service Car

HECO

Oceanic Cable

Verizon

Medical Bills

Change of Address

Find SD Card and mail 

Set up TV, PS2 and Wii in room

Set up a workout plan

Set up a diet plan

Find another job

Think about school 

So far, so good. I've taken care of some doctors appointments - especially the scary dentist. Not to mention, I've gotta get my wisdom teeth extracted. Buh.

The rest of it kinda requires some funding, so i'll have to work on it slowly. But these are all the things i've let slide over time. Time to clean it up. Time to clean up my life. Time to fix things, for myself. Time to say goodbye to some things. Time to let the struggle sink in. Time to let adversity make me a better person - for myself, and no one else. Call it a good day, a good week, whatever. I'll take it as it is. Tomorrow might be shitty. And the day after that, and the day after that. But it doesn't matter, because today I feel okay. One day at a time.

I also made a list of things I want to do.:

Visit Buddhist Temple

Go to the beach

Go bowling

Go walking

Random photo safari in Waikiki or anywhere

My friend helped me with some of these things. She wants to help me get out of my room, of my house, of my shell. And I want to help myself so I can be a positive influence in her life, too. I want to find out what I want to do for myself, because they genuinely interest me, instead of going along just because other people want me to. These are things I want to do with her, or even alone. I want to embrace my life outside of my head. There's more to me than the things I tell myself. I owe her a big thanks. She's helped me in ways she may not even know.

I've been listening to a lot of dubstep lately, getting lost in the sounds. It's pretty fun. Sometimes you just have to wear your stunner shades at night, smoke, and feel cool. Sometimes that all you can do to just feel a little bit better about yourself. YOLO.

Radio Silence

My life has changed. Some say it's for the better, and some say it's for the worse. Some days it is, and some days it isn't.

It's time to break the radio silence. For the first time in my adult life, I have no ball and chain. I have no one wondering where I am, what i'm doing, and where i'm going. I have no one in the middle of the night.

These times are hard. I have good days - filled with laughter and friends, silly distractions like work and games, boys and drugs. I have bad days too - tears and pain, shadows and aches, loneliness and fear. I have all these things and I don't know what to do with them.

I feel like i've been running away. I'm running away from the thoughts, the memories, the lingering questions. I've been filling my time to the max, sustaining friendships and picking up new relationships as much as I possibly can to keep my demons at bay. I can't do this forever, but this is the only way I know how to get through this time in one piece. If I don't, I think i'd just cease to exist.

The me that once was has been completely obliterated - shattered into a trillion pieces of dust, swirling around in the wind. There is no conceivable way that I can get it all back; Through his actions I am changed forever. I don't think I even want to begin to search for what I was. Either way, the old me is gone, and I don't know who is in my space, yet. One day i'll start trying to see who I really am. But not today, and not tomorrow.

This time period is all about risk taking for me. I have nothing left in my life to preserve and protect. I have nothing. I am nothing. I am everything. I am anything.

So ask me everything. Let's do anything. I don't care. I can't care. I won't care. Do anything but get close to me, because I can't let you in right now. There is just no more room.

Dive

I found myself in the bottom of the age rut.

It's a government-issued-well-lit-with-fluorescent-lights type of room equipped with standard metal desks and matching muted file cabinets. Everything is laid out in perfect order - all you have to do is cross the T's and dot the I's. Simple, mindless... boring.

We go along in our bodies like robots. We are told that our "good girl" days abruptly end at puberty which is the time to start the rebellion. This anti-parental uproar lasts well into our teen years, only to be re-directed at The Man after the age of eighteen. Our second decade of life is supposed to be filled with alcohol, drugs, casual sex with random strangers, sexual experimentation, and late night confessions with girlfriends over fast food. This time is also supposed to be filled with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, and built in perseverance to make it through college and or grad school. We are supposed to find our soul mate during this decade and have a predetermined cookie cutter wedding in our families' choice of religion while working on starting pop out kids before the big 3-0.

Once we hit that sudden decade shift, things are supposed to change. Wrinkles form, flesh sags, and backs get sore. We're also supposed to have figured it all out by then - know what we want to spend the rest of our lives doing, be a house owner, maybe pop another kid out. We're expected to live the Great American Dream of having a family life while balancing a social one. The rest of our lives are considered not to be our own, but revolving around our children which become the soul purpose of our lives (generally filled with soccer games, PTA meetings, and incessant whining). We are instilled to think that we must pass down the familial dreams and beliefs that we bestowed upon us.

And yet, here I am, twenty three with a brain-wracking history of mental health issues, self-fulfilling prophecies, and $6.43 in my bank account. While all my former peers are checking off items on those age lists, here I am sitting on a cliff of fear, wonder, and shame. Why do we hold ourselves to these mandated age lists? What is the function of words like "should", "expected" and "supposed to"? Why are there all these unspoken age limit rules about MY life? And more than that, why do these things prey on my gullibility to believe that this is real? Why do I hold MYSELF to these standards?

The alternative life is beyond that aforementioned cliff. It is past the paperwork, and the dim, flickering fluorescent lights. It is past the lines of my peers with indifferent and passive facial expressions, matching their approach to life. It takes unspeakable amounts of courage to plunge into the dark abyss of the future unknown.

So here I go, feebly tossing my fragile human ego into the deep journey downwards. I'm going to learn things along the way - like motivation, confidence, and ultimately self-acceptance. I've taken a trip in the right direction - living a simpler life and coming to terms with that. I am going to be proud of working at a corporate grocery chain, giving helpful customer service while earning minimum wage, even though I hold a flimsy piece of paper saying that I know a bunch of shit about accounting. This is how it starts. And maybe one day I'll be proud I'm not sitting at a government-issued desk, checking off things on an outdated age list. I think I'll just make a new one.

OHHHHHHHMMM

So, in about 64 hours, i'll be on a plane (hopefully in first class) headed to California to spend some time with my aunty. This is kind of a last-vacation-i'll-get-where-i-can-dick-around-and-do-whatever trip before I start my アルバイト (job). Since i've started up watching strange anime again, i've been brushing up on my にほんご(Japanese). すみません、おれがへんです (Don't mind me, i'm weird).

Anyway, next week is also thanksgiving, and my anniversary. I am taking almost two weeks off starting Saturday to really think about the things I cherish most in my life. I have to re-align myself internally to fix things externally. I'm going to be doing a lot of thinking on this trip regardless of what I actually do (stay up late chitter chattering, playing with dogs, ripping my muscles YEAH FISTPUMP).

Also, i'm excited because this time of the year means the mainland gets cold! I can't wait to feel what "cold" is. さむいーくん (Cold-kun)!どうぞよろしくおねがいします(It's nice to meet you, please take care of me)!

What I should be doing:

What I probably will be doing:

In the off chance that you don't read hiragana, the first picture says "OHHHHHM" and the second one says "Zumba! Shall we go? Um... it's cold, isn't it?... It's warm right here... I can't get up" :) The thing next to the dog says "Echo-chan" and the thing next to my hand says "Glove". :3

I probably won't be around for thanksgiving, so... Happy Thanksgiving! :)

LALALALALALA~

So........ since I don't have anything of real substance to write about right now, here is a list of things I should do today to make myself a productive member of society:

1. Laundry. I tend to wait and wait and WAIT until I have absolutely NOTHING to wear. Flip underwear inside out or go commando. Use sports bras and ugly tops and shorts that no longer fit me. Be uncool for a week. Or simply, just not go out. I do all of this before I actually do laundry. I'd like to think that if I had one of those in-unit washer and dryers, i'd do laundry a lot more often. But the laundry machines are only one flight of stairs below me. When I moved here, I thought i'd be doing laundry ALL the time since I didn't have to drive to a laundromat. I was wrong. :)

2. Dishes. I usually try to pass this job off to Michael, which usually works - it's pretty much the only thing I ask him to do around the house (other than earn income, that is). But my sink is now typically overflowing with dishes and we have no utensils to use anymore. Our sink backs up now (we think our landlord may have forgotten to warn us about maybe emptying the trap? It looks like it used to be a disposal system, but there are no blades or switches), which makes doing dishes FAAAAABULOUS. I love the smell of rotting food and soap. Yum. So i've been diligently avoiding the dishes, too.

3. Pay my phone bill. I could call this in, but I do everything online. This would be seemingly easy, but you don't UNDERSTAND. Once I open the internet, my brain goes into ADD overdrive.
"Okay, I have to go to Verizon's web page to pay my bill. Okay. Oh, I should check if they sent me an e-mail first."
*checks e-mail*
"OMG these shoes are hella cute from DSW. I should checkout their website later. AFTER Verizon. Okay."
*log onto Verizon website, accidentally clicks bookmark to imgur*
"LOL that is sooo funny... I should post this on facebook"
*87324987 pages later...*
"What was I doing again? Hmm."
*Logs onto forums, chat chat chat*
"Ah, i'm tired."
*Play with bunny and nap*

4. Go for a walk. I should do it. Buttttttt there is just so much left that I haven't done at home! The aforementioned few, and also a billion bajillion things on the internet. I have to do ALL the things. Also, i'm lazy. And I don't want to go out. I'll have to - i've gotta bring Michael to work. Maybe i'll go for a drive after that. But for now, I'm really stoked I have internet, cereal, and PJs at the same time, and I shall rejoice in my pantsless, milky wonder. :)

Life. Right now.

There have been so many times i've wanted to write something on this blog in the last few months, but I just couldn't find the right words to say. I was afraid of all the possible things people might say ' "She's crazy" or "She's just looking for attention". But I think i've come to the point where i'm ready to whisper all the things that have been inside my brain over the last few months. I guess the question then becomes, are you ready to listen?

I get a lot of mixed responses from people when I tell them I've had an anxiety disorder for about as long as I can remember. It ranges from "What? really? I would have never guessed." to "Ahhh, so THAT'S why you do that!". When I was 11 years old, my life changed forever in ways that I cannot even begin to describe. Long story short, I went to see some doctors that diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder, along with ADD (primarily inattentive type, not hyperactive). The doctor's gave us a report of my assessment in 1999, saying that I was also predisposed to having depression, because I had also previously shown signs of it starting from age 9. However, this is not some sob story about my life. Every single neurotic tendency of mine shaped me into who I am today. I have family and friends that love and support me, so I am forced to take these diagnoses with a grain of salt. If I truly was a terrible person, I would have friends that love me as much as they do. This says something about my character. Despite having irrational fears and a serious lack in self-esteem, people love me for me. Though it's really hard for me to accept that, it's the truth. I am loved and have good reasons to be.

The truth about helping myself is a hard lesson for me. Deep down, underneath logic lives a monster inside of me. That monster whispers things like "You are crazy for seeing a therapist" or "You don't deserve to be happy". But even though it is saying these things, it's like a whisper in some other language that only my heart can understand. I don't know why this monster exists, but I need to accept that it's there for a reason - or at least accept that I created it and let it into my soul to protect me. It's like it was once a blanket - soft and fluffy - that shielded me from the world and it's evil. It was comfort. Over time, I grew up, so that blanket tried to morph itself to grow up like me. It sprouted legs and arms; eyes and ears. And although it remained close to my heart, it didn't actually grow with me, it mutated in me. But underneath the scary eyes and the sharp claws is a seed of ultimate comfort, which is why it's so hard to face and defeat this monster who was once my only friend.

I'll admit, i've judged others for not following the preset path for all people my age. But now i'm starting to understand that maybe it's not so important anymore. I am taking this time in my life for growth and correction. I am seeking help. I am enlisting an army to help me fight this boss-monster in me. I have two choices. Fight or run. But there comes a point when running from myself only results in my untimely death. So, it's fight or die. And there are things that I still want to experience. Marriage, kids (someday), finding a career that I love. Seeing different parts of the world. So I am choosing to fight. My arsenal doesn't consist of guns and manpower, but therapy and medication instead. This is where the judgement comes in. But in the end, ignorance will always be fear and shame covered by ego. I am getting help for myself and my future. What are you doing for yourself by labeling me?

Imagine a life without limitations. Money, fear, obligation, social stigma and ignorance don't matter. What would you do? Aren't you worth taking that chance? It's been a long time since I realized this. I feel like i'm only now coming out of a long sleep, where everything was hazy and nightmarish. I feel like i'm thinking clearly, like I'm normal again. Medication holds an enormous amount of power and risk, but for me it holds a huge payoff. For the first time in over a decade, I feel normal. I feel confident, happy, and balanced. And most of all I don't feel crippling anxiety. I am at the bottom of my little hole. I can only progress upward, slowly grasping one brick at a time, pulling myself up and out, leaving behind shame and guilt for not being perfect to my unachievable standards. There have been so many hands along the way to help me up and even though I don't want to accept those hands for fear of getting them dirty, or pulling them down from the sheer weight, they always surprise me. They can pull, too.

Right Outside My Apartment

4:45 am. I'm rolling over, trying to find a good spot in my bed. My shoulder hurts from being in one position all night. What woke me up? Oh, that quickly approaching siren. Wait a second, it stopped right outside my apartment. I wonder what's going on? Is it someone in my building? I open my eyes, and see blue flashing lights dancing on the walls of my room. I get up, put a shirt on, and open the jealousy on my front door. Wow, there are a lot of cops outside. I count five cop cars and one firetruck. What's going on? I see the firemen and a few cops huddled over something... a body? I can't see, where are my glasses? After some rummaging, I find my glasses and resume my watch. An ambulance has arrived. Should I go down there to get a closer look? That's probably disrespectful. But I open my door and watch from the safety of my balcony anyway. It's right there. That person is lying on the crosswalk right there. I just walked there yesterday. I don't see a damaged car, so I conclude that it was a hit-and-run. Scum of the earth, I think. Hit-and-runners belong with deadbeat parents, drug addicts and the like - too scared to take responsibility. The ground must be wet from the rain. Is the person alive? Is my brain just making up a story that isn't true? Maybe it's just a minor laceration or a concussion. But the person isn't moving. And they're lying down. It must be bad. The two paramedics are next to the person now, opening their bag and moving quickly. It looks like they're doing something that uses movement. Are they doing CPR? It's right outside my apartment. Someone is dying right outside my apartment. If it was yesterday, or tomorrow, i'd be on my way to boot camp. It could have been me. I could have seen it. I could have done something, maybe. I see them lift the person up onto the gurney. They wrap him up in the white sheets, but don't cover his face. I exhale a sigh of relief. So he's not dead. I can't see if he's intubated, or if that person is even a he. They close the ambulance doors. There's a man and a woman (I thought she was a child at first) near the crime scene (which is less than 10 feet away from my car). I don't know if they know the person, or maybe they're just being good samaritans. When the ambulance door closes, they walk away, talking to someone in a car that just drove up across the street. I don't think they know the person, but i'm glad they were there to call help. I wonder what will happen now? The ambulance takes off, and one by one the police cars leave. I wonder what the story was? I walk back inside to the still life of my apartment, shutting the door silently behind me. My bunny is sipping on some water as I head back to bed. It's 5:03 am now, what am I doing awake? I debate whether I'm sleepy enough to rejoin my fiance in bed, or just stay awake. I slip beneath the blanket next to a warm body, still alive, still breathing, and thank my lucky stars that it wasn't us on that wet pavement right outside my apartment.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

The end of an era has come, and it's so bittersweet.

I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 last night, and it was awesome. Not only was the movie awesome, but the people were too. It was sort of like Halloween for dorks like me, minus the candy, plus the popcorn. I was lucky enough to get invited by Michael's college friends with access to reserved seating. They are the sweetest bunch of Harry Potter dorks that I could nerdrage with. :)


We started the night off with butterbeer jello shots which were awesome, might I add. Making our way through the crowd and making the journey to Starbucks let me get to know some of these people. Reika was older than she looked (older in age + cosplay = hella cool! I hope i'm still nerdy like this when I hit that age too), Amanda is the awesomest for making her Auror jacket herself, and Tash can apparate (lolololol). Also, I met Sam tonight and recognized her from elementary school! It's a small island.


We made our way back, took some pictures, and got everyone situated to go inside. There was a ginormous line, snaking up the stairs and lined up all the way around the block. I've never been so happy to have reserved seating. Michael and I stood in line for our obligatory enslavement to theater popcorn (and mochi crunch!), and found ourselves behind a guy that had "I DID NOT READ THE BOOKS" on his hat. Ah, that guy was sure missing out on life.

The movie itself was awesome, as all Harry Potter movies go. I won't spoil anything, but I did get a little misty-eyed during Snape's part. Oh, poor Snape. The underdog. Anyway, I thought the movie was great, but the ending was a little of a let down. They did change a few things, but they were understandable. My butt was numb from sitting there for just 2.5 hours. After the movie, we stuck around a little bit and said our goodbyes.

A decade has gone by, and I can't believe the journey is over. Harry Potter was my age when I started reading the books, and I sort of feel like I grew with him. Granted, i'm not a witch, but it's a true testament to how books can really take you anywhere. It's sad that we'll never see another Harry Potter film again, or read another book, but I hope that the future generations have something to become enthralled with beyond Twilight (i'm such a hater, lol). Something beyond romantic love stories - something substantial about good and evil, right and wrong, friends and enemies.


And in tribute -

... Mischief managed.

Skinny, Crispy, Nori-less Spam Musubi

It's been too long since i've written something meaningful, and trust me i've tried to rectify that. But this is not that post. Instead, I am going to let you peek into my kitchen and give you a quick, cheap, authentic local delicacy.

SPAM.

I'm sure if you live in Hawaii, you know what this is and have had a million different kinds of musubi. It would be weird if you didn't know what it was. But I bet you've probably never had it without nori.

Now, a lot of people will argue with me, saying it's not a "real" musubi without the nori. They think it's basically spam and rice, just molded into a little ball thing. Well, yeah, sure. But it's still a "real" musubi. What about musubi with ume in the center? I've seen many "plain" ones without a shred of seaweed. And technically, this musubi is nori-less, but NOT seaweed-less.

Ingredients:
- 1 can of SPAM (I like to use the less sodium version, since there will be lots of flavor added)
- Teriyaki Sauce (You can buy it bought, or make your own with soy sauce, sugar, and mirin (optional))
- 3 cups of white rice (You can substitute brown rice if you'd like, but the original recipe calls for white)(This yields 12 musubi)
-Furikake (I use the Mishima brand Nori Komi Furikake, which has sesame seeds in it)
- Saran Wrap
- Musubi maker (optional)

Prepare:
- Tear and lay 15 slices of saran wrap (5 inch x 5 inch pieces... though that may be too big, I just kind of wing it).
- Cut the spam into thin slices (about 12-15). This is where the "skinny" part comes in. These musubi will be flatter than the average spam musubi.
- Cook 3 cups of rice.
- Make the teriyaki sauce, and pour it into a bowl.
- Dip each slice into the sauce, and let it marinate for a few seconds, to a minute.

Directions:
- Fry the spam until crispy and browned (I do like mine slightly burned).
- While frying, empty the rice into a large bowl to cool off.


- Rinse your musubi maker (this helps the rice not to get stuck to it).
- Set up your musubi maker in the spot on the saran wrap where you'll want to place the musubi. I chose the right side, in the middle, but now that I think about it, the left side would have probably been better.


- Remove the spam from the pan/griddle after they are cooked and put them on a plate.


- Take a handful (or scoopful) of rice, and load it into the molder. I use less rice than most, contributing to the skinny factor. Since I have skinny slices, the rice should be proportionate. Mess around with it and make it how you like it.


- PRESS HARD. You do not want your musubi falling apart, especially because you have no nori holding it together.


- Take a spoonful of the leftover teriyaki sauce in your bowl, and dabble some on the rice for extra flavor.



- Sprinkle some furikake on the rice over the sauce.


- Put a piece of spam on top and wrap (or enjoy!).


I don't make this too often because the nutritional value isn't great, but it's nice to get back to childhood sometimes. Having a spam musubi just the way I like it transports me through time and space, back to fun summers, friends, and family. Live aloha. :)

I'm... Engaged?

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged, to find the ways in which you, yourself, have altered." - Nelson Mandela

This weekend was AMAZING. Unexpected, yet anticipated, my boyfriend of eight years proposed to me on Friday evening.

I don't want to go into the details of the proposal. I didn't take any pictures of the things that were done. I want that moment to be sealed forever in his and my thoughts, alone. It was something special, and intimate, and even though key people will know how it happened, I didn't want any pictures from these few special days (other than the obligatory ring and hand pictures).

Of course, I wanted this to happen. I knew many years ago that I wanted this to happen. Many people aren't surprised, but i'm more surprised in myself than I thought I would be. I expected to feel overjoyed and happy, then go back to our lives, plain and simple. Technically, what would change? We're sporting rings on our finger (yes, him too) but that's the only difference. We'll go back to work, we'll go back to school, we'll go back to our apartment and live life how we've always been living it. But, it's different.

I can't tell you the ways in which it's different. I look at Michael differently. I look at our lives differently. Sure, it's only been a few days, but this feeling isn't even slightly tapering yet. Maybe it will in a week, a month, a year, but really, are we the same people? I don't think we are. We've entered into a transitional time, of sealing our bond with each other. Sure, i've known for a long time that he's "the one" but these rings make it so different, beyond any words I can describe.

We were at Barnes and Nobles yesterday in the Manga section, and there was a kid there (can't have been older than 18) that said "Wow, adults in the Manga section! That's cool." and I couldn't help but laugh and feel slightly appalled. Wait now, who's the adult here? I swear to god i'm still fourteen. Or sixteen. Or even nineteen! Suddenly I feel toooo old, WAY too old. Did he notice the rings on our fingers or was it just us? I'm pretty sure he didn't notice, and that means we LOOK like adults? What?

Here's to the next couple years. Here's to the beginnings of a great time, a stressful time, an important time in our lives.

Ganbarimasu.

Woe is me and all that jazz.

So, (I swear to god I always start my posts off with "so") I've neglected this blog worse than a Christmas fruitcake around mid February. My poor SEOTS blog was SEOTSed by the SEOTSer. I am indeed a terrible person.

I'd like to say that I was working on some grand project, taking all of my time, earning me loads of cash. I'd also like to say that I was some kind of FBI agent, working undercover, booking the bad guys and saving the world. I'd love to share that I was actually sent back through time, chatting it up with the brontosauruses (they're actually assholes) and living it up with the cavemen (not as scruffy as you think, in fact, they could be the first metrosexuals). And as much as i'd like to tell you about all these things, I can't. They sadly didn't happen (I never stop wishing though!).

Since the last post, a whole lot of nothing happened. School, work, life. Life happened. Stuff happened. Shit happened. To tell you the truth, if I narrated the last few months in my blog here, it will bore you to death. On a personal level, i've learned a lot. I'm in a different mindset. I'm eventually gonna change my mindset. So i'm not gonna tell you about that.

Things you probably don't need to know about me, but i'm gonna tell you anyway:

- Still in school, and drowning miserably.
- Still nuts.
- Still working full time (and earning petty cash =/).
- Still a smarmosaur.
- Still loving nail polish (moving onto decals soon, omg).
- Still fighting acne, but it's getting better! :)
- Still trying to gain blog readers (please feed me your souls? pretty please?)
- Still making lists (like this one!).

And to conclude this unnecessary blog post, I just want to sincerely apologize to all my friends. I've been avoiding pretty much everyone (for good reason), and i'll explain why later (I'm a zombie, I don't want to infect you). Please bear with me for the next few months, and i'm sure things will get better (they seem to have found the antidote).

Still living the SEOTSed life,

PinkStar26

Tips for my Consciousness-Deficient Fellow Desk Job-ers

I'm not a particularly frequent napper. I usually sleep well at night, anywhere from 7-9 hours, so I generally don't need a nap during the day.

However, it's been rainy lately, so my sweater tops and hoodies make their yearly debut out of my closet 'round this time. These items are soft, and warm... and feel particularly comforting when it's cold out.

Also, my schedule consists of school in the morning, then work from noonish to around 9pm. It's quite a boring job - but i'm not complaining. During downtime I have moments to "surf the web" (gawd, does anyone still use that term anymore?), pick at my nails, and study. After I become satisfied with the state of my cuticles, I usually get quite bored, and start to get rather sleepy. Sometimes I can feign off slumber, but sometimes it just becomes a necessary evil.

On this particular Thursday, I have a headache, and the overcast sky outside my window is extremely bright, causing me to squint more often than not. This makes for a deadly combo. I usually don't get headaches, because I think i'm teething today. I usually just sleep off the headache, but it's much more difficult here at work.

Some tips for the awake-challenged people at work:

1. Try running in circles like a maniac to get your heart pumping. If that doesn't work (or freaks people out), proceed immediately to step #2.

2. Two words: Starbucks Doubleshot. But only once in a while, or it's potency will be ineffective. Use the force wisely!

3. NEVER put your head on your desk, unless you're at a workplace that's cool about sleeping. If you are at a workplace that's cool like that, please message me the company info, and alert me if they're hiring.

4. Do not lean back in your chair for a snooze. You're kind of just asking for it. Especially if you lose control of your jaw function, a sneaky co-worker ninja could come by and slip a warhead into your mouth or something. Maybe a bug. That would be mean. Also, it's the wrong trajectory for your eyelids. You need to be looking DOWN to pretend you're awake.

5. If you MUST sleep, you have to remember to hide your snoring. Play some music (rock or maybe hip hop) to hide your palatal noises.

6. Put down an important-looking document, or a book in front of you on the desk. Put your elbow on the desk, and put your chin/jaw area on your palm. Position your head as if you are reading the paper. If available, use your bangs (fringe) over your eyes and snooze away. You may become so relaxed that your head starts to loll around on your neck, causing that gradual sinkage, and the jerk-y snap back up. As long as no one sees this you're fine. If you're in a shared office, make this motion very small and undetectable.

7. While in the aforementioned position, I constantly like to switch it up and put my four fingers on my forehead, and my thumb on my temple, and hold my head up that way because it looks like i'm focusing really hard, and that my work is stressing me out. Brownie points! My side bang also helps.

8. If the desk situation isn't working out for you, you can always take a snooze on the toilet. It's kinda like multitasking. Personally I don't wanna sleep where I shit.

9. If you have a break coming up, or maybe a lunch, you can always opt for sleeping in your car. If you don't have a car, you can sleep in someone else's car. Someone is bound to have one. Or perhaps a bench somewhere, but then you risk looking like a bum. Also, benches are getting all anti-bum nowdays. They have those separators now. Poor bums.

10. Have a mirror close to your desk. If someone comes in and needs you to be conscious, you should always be aware of any red, tired looking eyes, or red marks from your hand anywhere on your face. You can cover those up with makeup if you're a girl, or make up some hilarious god-awful story like "ohhh ummm an alien seagull uhhh smacked me in the face while I was uhhh doing this spreadsheet! yeah, totally rude, man!".

That last line always works, I tell you.

PinkStar26

Geekend Adventures: The Weekend of a Geek - December 24, 25 & 27, 2010

I haven't blogged in a long, long time. It kills me somewhere inside. I promise i'll be better!

Things that happened to me/I realized over the weekend:

1. I should not let my house get to the point where there is an overwhelming mess in every room.
2. Messes eat my soul. I don't know how to properly ward off their black magic.
3. I should de-fur my fan more often.
4. Vaccums shall now be called "Pushie Suckie"s.
5. I love my new pushie suckie!
6. I didn't expect christmas flowers! :D
7. Making corn chowder has proven to be pretty easy, though moderately expensive.
8. If you make enough corn chowder, it can last several days, or possibly even a week! Corn! Chowder! Woo!
9. If you eat corn chowder for several days in a row, you poop corn several days in a row. Just sayin'. ;o)
10. Corn chowder will put you into a food coma that prevent you from going to see the christmas lights.
11. What the hell, vog? Hate you for ruining christmas! I don't care if you're making new land, could you spew your hot smokiness ELSEWHERE? like, EAST?!
12. Vog makes everyone and everything miserable.
13. Wrapping presents, baking cookies, and stealing bells on christmas morning is not exactly the best idea when you have parties to go to.
14. Oh my god, I missed you Animal Crossing.
15. So, I had a dream that I was browsing the web, when I came across something I wanted. I woke up thinking I could totally buy it, and thinking of other things to blow my money on... when I realized I was thinking of my bell balance in Animal Crossing. SIIIIIIIIGH.
16. Wrapping and rushing in vog is pretty miserable.
17. Christmas is full of yummy food, especially arrozcaldo.
18. Slowing down and driving by the city christmas lights is no where near as fun as actually walking through them. :'(
19. Every gamer should have a gamer day with gamer friends. Multiple times a year. Multiple.
20. Gamer friends will give you their potions and antidotes to help make you feel better if your HP gets drained by outside forces. <3
21. I love my friends. I love all of my friends, near and far. I don't remember the last time I laughed so much in one sitting.
22. Surrounding yourself with loved ones is really the beauty of the holidays I think. I feel so lucky.
23. WE NEED TO HAVE ANOTHER SESH ON THURSDAY NIGHT PEOPLE. THURSDAY NIGHT!!! ANOTHER ZELDA RAPE SESH! ahahaha.
24. Boston's Pizza + Crab Wontons + Weird Asian drink Shots + Shrimp Tempura + Blueberry Cheesecake = EPIC WIN. TEH MOST EPIC, EPIC WIN. Also, the fact that I get to keep the leftovers is also an EPIC WIN. Kinako mochi FAIL! lol
25. Mario Party for the Wii + Wii Resort + Beatmania + Monopoly DEAL + Zelda + Katamari = BOWSERRAPE/IKEEPSLICINGWRONG/AGHITSTOOFASTWAIT5KEYS?/WTFDEALBREAKER?!?!/OMFGSOMEONEGOTRAPEDOMFGIGOTRAPED/IWANNAROLLYOUUPINTOMYLIFE~
26. Dehydration leads to headaches that last through sleep. Self medicating with a lot of caffiene is definitely the WAY TO GO. WOO.
 
PinkStar26

It's a love/hate relationship. - Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

Love/hate never felt so good/bad.

 

1. Sugar. Ooooh, do I love you. But you're bad for me. So bad in so many ways. My teeth! You poke holes in my teeth. I need those teeth. And you raise my blood sugar content too much. And you make my throat hurt sometimes. Why? WHYYYYYYY

 

2. Velcro. You are like god's gift to the world. You make things stick to other things by using your ingenious hairy and hook-like textures. But sometimes you are not so cool. Like on grandpa's shoes. Or when you leave that SUPER STICKY FILM on whatever surface you're sticking to. Or when you need the jaws of life to pry you apart from your velcro-soulmate. NOT COOL.

 

3. Contact lenses. You give me great joy and awe when I can see clearly without my glasses on! It's like I am a perfect human being again, made with eyes that are perfectly functional. So why do you torment me so? I understand that you are in love with my eyeballs, but do you have to stick SO WELL to them when I need to sleep? And then you completely change your mind, like a bi-polar lover, when I want to put you back into my eye! Where did that suction of love go? Can't you see that I need your help? No, you can't see. You're just lenses. And that means I can't see either.

 

4. My blanket. I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU. Why do you run away from me, in the middle of the night when I need you the most? It's chilly now, don't make me cheat on you with one of your friends - soft guest blanket. Show me your love and wrap me up in your warm goodness! Don't you love me? Why do you sneak out silently when it's the coldest part of the night and have secret rendezvous with the floor?

 

5. Bean sprouts. You are a very salty and tasty veggie. I like the way you crunch in my various asian soups. But - why must you make me so gaseous? Not even cabbage does this to me like you do. You make my insides swell and force me remain in uncomfortable silence until I get home. Do you know what it's like to feel like a human balloon? No, no you don't. You're just happily crunchy and slim as always.

 

6. Korean songs. You're so upbeat and fun. Sometimes you're sad and sweet. Most times you have a GREAT melody, that I can sing along to. But NOOOO. I can't speak Korean. I can't pronounce the words. You taunt me with your catchy and fun songs but when I try to follow along I sound like a retarded wookie.

 

7. Reality TV. What's not to love? Drunken fights, girl drama, hilarious catch phrases - could you ask for a better reality show? But you give me a bad rep, everytime I mention you. I waste an hour per show per week of my life watching you. You are my guilty pleasure.

 

PinkStar26

Geekend Adventures: The Weekend of a Geek - December 3-5, 2010

Things that happened to me / I realized over the weekend:

1. I am running out of shampoo.
2. I have no money after rent. UGGHHH.
3. Woot, my contacts came in! Another appointment on Tuesday!
4. I sleep rather early on Friday nights.
5. I have these bouts of "I HAVE TO CLEAN AND ORGANIZE EVERYTHING" right before I get my period.
6. Why DO they have 2 handicap parking spots next to a hiking trail? (Not being insensitive, but why not just ONE?)
7. 2 miles uphill was not quite as "fun" as I thought it was going to be.
8. 2 miles uphill was easier if thought of as a "mind f-ck". Looking out at the beautiful scenery made it much easier.
9. 2 miles uphill is MUUUUCH easier when paved. ;D
10. When you touch chalk on the ground with sweaty skin, it STAYS there until you use water.
11. WIND is SCARY on a CLIFF.
12. Going 2 miles downhill is hard on my toesies.
13. I like saying toesies.
14. We like Makapu'u.

15. My christmas tree is drying up a little. D:

16. My christmas tree is also called "Tree Spirit". XD

17. Nicole and I have ADD. Most especially together, with a lot of crafty items.

18. Paper makes some awesome makeup alternative; Especially if you're going for that avant-garde, Lady Gaga look.

19. Elmer's glue - safe on eyelids and lips! Not so good on nails.

20. Baby bottle nipples - a lot harder to draw than expected.

21. Baby fetuses with diapers - a lot easier to draw than expected! XD

22. Spilled water on car mat = not good. Moldy smell. Need to dry outside of car.

23. Febreeze (even the air kind) does upholstery good.

24. I forget how much I love Big Bang / Taeyang in the car.

25. I forgot to make new CD's for the 9834983409th time.

26. Woot, I inherited the PSP! NA NAAA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NAAAAAA. (KAAATAAAAAMAAAAAAARIIIIIII)

27. Michael's piano playing skills are GREAT and even more magical sounding on a grand piano. It is a HAXXORZ.

28. It's nice to nap in the middle of the day for an hour. It's even nicer to get teh snugglez after the nap.

29. It's hard, expensive, and unthrilling to just shop healthy. I need to have a little give and take. YEY CHIMICHANGAS

30. Sam's Club FTMFW.

31. GIANT TUB OF ROTISSERIE CHICKEN SALAD FTW.

32. Putting giant snacks into little ziploc bags is fun. Organizing is also fun.

33. I just realized I said "giant snacks" instead of snacks in giant proportions. I'm leaving that because that is a great mental image of myself trying to fit a giant pretzel into a tiny plastic bag. XD

34. Finishing crafts feels accomplishing.

35. Organizing my fridge and cupboard is much more fun than doing homework.

36. Although my bathroom, cupboard, and desk are organized, my clean laundry remains in my laundry basket. XD

37. These next two weeks are gonna be HELLA crazy! =)

PinkStar26

SCREW IT I HAVE NO TIME FOR TITLES BUT HERE IS THE DATE - Friday, December 3rd, 2010

I want to be a writer. I've never been able to say something like that with such confidence, but I know that i've always loved writing, reading, and language. It comes naturally to me. I love writing funny things in my free time, and if I could, i'd make it a full-time job (if it paid). I've also been interested in medicine for as long as I can remember, and I don't just want to curb my writing with comedic, creative writing. I want to be a medical writer, and write about health news, and the different pathologies of the human body because it's beyond fascinating. My goal is to work for a company full-time, writing whatever they want me to write, giving me data to transform into eloquent passages, or even just my own section in a newsletter or something.

However - and here's the kicker - what do I go to school for? There's no "medical writing" degree. Well, at least not here. There are a whole bunch of online workshops and whatnot on the AMWA (American Medical Writer's Association) website that I could attend, but I still would have no official credentials from a school.

So, I am pursuing my English degree right now. That's going to take me 4 years in itself. What I CAN do is ALSO major in Health Science, or Anatomy (if offered). That would require me to become a double major, and I honestly don't know if I have the tenacity (or money) for that.

I am soooooo nervous about all of this. I've gotta do extensive research on what credits transfer to which school, which school can offer me the best curriculum, and how I could possibly fit all of this into my life, when I work full-time (and HAVE to work full-time to help support myself and Michael). Could I possibly afford to rack up about $50,000 - $60,000 worth in student loans, and is it even PHYSICALLY possible for me to take on 6-7 classes at a time? Would it be worth it? Would I run myself crazy into the ground if I tried to tackle this? Also, will there be job opportunities for telecommunication (I don't plan to leave Hawaii, ever) when I graduate? I have no idea. And that's what makes me completely bonkers.

In about a week and a half I will end my first semester back at college, taking less than 12 credits. I only had 3 classes this semester, and I'm already stressing about my time schedule. Could I really make time for twice the workload? Twice the academic workload and still take on 40 hours at work? Plus i'm sure i'll need to take opportunities like internships and programs along the way. Is this possible for someone like me? Can this really be done? I don't know. I guess I won't know until I try. Do I have the courage to try?

I'd have to be diligent and dedicated. If I do decide to go down this route - one thing is certain - i'll have to see it through. I won't be able to skate by with half a degree here, and half a degree there. I won't be able to let "real life" get in the way of my studies - which means a slew of future outings and getogethers declined. I'll probably lose friends - the life of a professional student is nowhere near as glamorous as it sounds.

Another option is to continue pursuing my degree in English, but minor in Health Science. I'd have to contact several admissions counselors at different schools, to see if that's even possible. I'm actually leaning toward this route, and have a school in mind, but that would still be an enormous toll taken on me. Why is life so difficult?

(This was the first picture that popped up in google images when I typed in "argh" LOL)

Sorry for the somewhat depressing and stressful topic. Your regularly scheduled verbal diarrhea will shortly ensue!

PinkStar26

The Daily Pink!: November 22nd, 2010

Twenty Five Random things you didn't know about me.

1. Sometimes I am much too lazy to even venture out of my pajamas to go and get food. Right down the road. Seriously, 2 minutes away. 

2. There are certain days where I don't feel like a human, and I analyze humans from an objective standpoint.

3. I love picking at scabs, especially on my head.

4. I can make this noise that I use to scratch my throat. I only know one other person that can do this. I sound REALLY sexy doing this.

5. I hate traveling. It's full of germs. And people. I hate germs. And people.

6. I need to have popcorn when I go to the movies. It's never worth it without it. It's like I don't fully comprehend the movie if i'm not munching on some popcorn and mochi crunch.

7. I am addicted to hot water. I try to take the hottest showers/baths. I swear the water is just below scalding. I keep trying, even though it hurts. Was that a profound meaning I just found in the temperature of my bath water?

8. I loved it when my boobs were a C. I hate D's. I really, really do. You have the ability to knock down EVERYTHING with your mammaries, and if you don't know how to harness this power, you WILL knock down everything.

9. I have this large dirt spot on the side of my left athletic shoe that I have yet to wash out. I have no idea where it came from or what it even is. It's been there for months lol.

10. My favorite anime is probably Azumanga Daioh. I need to start a religion worshipping Kiyohiko Azuma.

11. I don't like banana flavored things. That was not a sexual innuendo.

12. I hate that I have short teeth and I have considered cauterizing my gums, or getting braces just to lengthen my teeth (my teeth are already pretty straight).

13. I hate taking showers at night, right before I'm about to go to sleep. It tends to wake me up, and my skin gets really dry and stripped of all it's oils. I hate it when i'm trying to sleep and my feet are dry. I. HATE. IT.

14. I have something called "weekend pants". They're just a pair of grey cotton sweats, but I call them my weekend pants because I often wear them all day on the weekends. Every article of clothing should have a name! :D

15. Sometimes too much sugar makes my throat hurt.

16. I can't sleep on my back. I have to sleep on my stomach. I've been trying to rectify this, but so far, it's been pretty difficult.

17. I hate taking a crap at work. There are so many levels of stress for a woman in the bathroom.

18. There are some words that I like to say wrong in my head so I can remember how to spell them. Phoenix = PHO-EE-NICKS. Economy = ECHO-KNOW-MEE.  Indictment = IN-DIKT-MENT. I am very weird in the head.

19. It feels really weird when i'm in the shower and I mess up the order of washing (shave, shampoo, rinse, conditioner, body wash, rinse body, rinse hair, wash face). Somehow, it feels like I don't get clean enough.

20. I sing really loud  (and dance really loud, too) and pretend i'm some kind of rock star when i'm in my car alone.

21. I wet my toothbrush after I put toothpaste on it, so I always have to be near a sink when brushing my teeth. I also always have to have a tumbler.

22. I usually can't make it through a whole movie at home. I get distracted or fall asleep. I am not sure why, because i'm perfectly capable of doing this in the theater.

23. I get nervous when someone asks me to pass them scissors or a knife. Don't ask me to pass you anything sharp -  something will undoubtedly go wrong and i'll freak out and curl up into a neurotic ball.

24. I think Jolly Rancher sour apple flavor kinda tastes like vomit. It also makes my salivary glands activate by just thinking of it. Why do I like it?

25. I've seriously thought about shaving my hair off. Or getting a mohawk. Or shaving half my head. And then I realize that I have kind of a small head.

 

PinkStar26

Mandatory Sex Parties! This is not an original phrase, I'm a BIG FAT PHONY. D: That's not original either! :<

I feel like my brain is going to implode.

 

So all day at work, i've been reading random blogs (especially Hyperbole and a Half) and damnit, don't you just hate it when you read the most amazing pieces of work, and you think to yourself "why didn't I come up with that?" and you start swearing loudly and incoherently (so much so that your coworker thinks you have Tourette's syndrome)? And then you start thinking to yourself "...wh-what would happen if I just happen to... uh... model my next few blogs after... uhh... this person's blogsssSSss...?" and then your sensitive guilt radar conscience kicks in and says "Nooooo, no no no no no. That's COPYING. People will HATE you for COPYING. Then you'll just be a phony. A BIG FAT PHOOOONY."

 

And then you sigh to yourself, wondering if you'll ever be able to come up with anything slightly innovative.

 

Then you have this GREAT idea, like when you ran with the idea to make a Craigslist/Facebook hybrid for resumes and talent, and then you google random stuff like "craigslist facebook resumes talent" and ask a few friends if they've ever heard of anything like that... And then they say "...linkedin..." ...

 

And while overusing your ellipses some more, you come to the conclusion that you might not be a genius after all. In fact, you'll probably never be a genius and create something that makes you feel full to the brim with happiness in the manifestations of rainbows and marshmallows and happy gnomes and ponies (did I just describe a Lucky Charms commercial?).

 

Then you feel like a little dusty black hole of sadness and emo tears.

 

And your face will look like this:  :<

Or maybe even this:   D:

 

Those happen to be some of my most favorite faces.

 

But this was the exact situation that i've plopped myself in today. Allie Brosh takes my two favorite things, really, forcibly makes them have sex (Mandatory Sex Party? It had to have been.), to create this wildly addicting baby of webcomics and blogging. WHAT. YES. It's almost holy, it's so good. It's a fiesta in my eyes. It makes me giggle and sometimes full on laugh at work (reinforcing the Tourette's theory my coworker has, or possibly even adding bi-polarity to the mix).

 

I've got a storm brewing in my head, like a coffee pot that's been double brewed (you know, when you make coffee, change the grounds for fresh ones, pour the coffee in the water section, and brew all over again... TRY THIS IF YOU WANT TO STAY AWAKE FOREVAR); it's really intense and you know it's gonna give you this amazing high, but has the potential for a serious crash. Perhaps... I could... possibly... integrate... my webcomic-ry into... my... blog? Maybe? I've just gotta disguise it really well. Because I don't wanna be a copy cat. It's not cool.

 

I'm hoping by announcing the source of my inspiration, I can avoid any copy cat accusations. :D Catch all? Like a disclaimer? :D :D :D Right? RIGHT? RIIIIIIGGGGHHHTTT??? :D

 

If my brain indeed implodes, and assuming I am still a dusty black hole of sadness and emo tears, does that mean there won't be any mess to clean up?

 

:D RIIIIIIIGGGGHHHTT???!?!

The Daily Pink!: Friday, November 19th, 2010

You know what they need to make? A usb with an arrow on one side, signifying that that's the side that faces up when in your usb slot. JESUS! I know i'm not the only stupid monkey person that is all "Hurr, I've flipped this thing like 10 times and I still can't get it in hurr". Why does this torture my feeble mind?

 

Today is Friday! I love Fridays. Do you know why? No? Well i'll tell you in the form of a list!

 

1. I especially love this Friday because it also happens to be payday.

2. I like staying up on a shit load of coffee so it feels like my weekends stretches out longer.

3. Everything amazing happens on Friday nights.

4. It is a proven fact that most babies are made on Friday nights. =O

( I just made that up, but doesn't that sound plausible?)

5. I finally feel like a 22 year old on Friday nights, playing video games, staying up past 10:30, and hanging out with friends. Sunday - Thursday i'm 40 years old.

6. Friday = NO WORK OR SCHOOL FOR THE NEXT 2 DAYS AUGH YES WHAT YES

 

These are basically the reasons in which Friday roxxorz.

 

Also, if you haven't read Questionable Content, you really, really should. BUT you should probably start with the archive because the most recent comics are kinda spoilers. This comic has actually made me quite depressed lately because it feels like i've grown up with these fictional people and right now it's saaaaaaaaaaad. Is it irrational that I am sad because some pixels are sad? Am I becoming a shut-in (just like MARIGOLD, yet another reason why I AM MARIGOLD)? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF MY LIFE?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

... Anyway, It is only yet the start of my day today, so we'll see how the rest of it goes.

I've gotta work late today, and I also have to go to my parents house.

After that, the real fun begins.

With Mabo Tofu.

And Mario Party.

And coffee.

Seriously, who could ask for more?

 

PinkStar26

The Daily Pink!: Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

Whoo, today has been so busy that i've had to post this blog at 10:00pm!

I like writing papers, I really do. I suppose that's a good thing for an English major? It is also a good thing that I finished my paper a whole 7 hours before it's due! This is an amazing feat for me. I should throw a party.

 

I've been thinking a lot about this upcoming holiday season, and some of the goals that I want to accomplish before 2011 comes around.

First of all, I LOVE the holiday season. November thru February really are my favorite months. Most especially November/December. As time goes on though, Christmas in particular gets more and more expensive over the years. Gift monetary amounts increase with salary/wage increase? Or maybe the more friends you collect, the more you pay? Maybe both. Either way, every year, it seems that I tell myself and my close friends that i'll be doing cheap gifts this year, and somehow I end up spending more and more. I blame awesome marketing. And for the record, "i'm going cheap this year!" to all my friends. =P I'll probably have to curb my spending seriously this year because of adulthood all catching up to me and what not. Hurr hurr bills hurr.

 

But besides the gifts, I love the cold (Hawaii cold) weather, and general atmosphere of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Super fun! Although I do remember there being quite a lot of grouchy people in the mall when I used to work there. My condolences to all you mall workers! I'll try not to be a grouchy patron. November also brings me and Michael's anniversary, and Thanksgiving. There will be yummy food on both of these days, for sure. Also, I get Thanksgiving off from work and school. Any month where I get a holiday is a good month.

Some things I want to accomplish before the year ends:

1.) I need to get my gym butt back in gear. I've been doing the avoidance dance, and what's worse is i've been as broke as a joke lately, so I haven't been sticking to my diet. I'm going to try to go to the gym as often as possible on winter break!
2.) Successfully plan a baby shower! This is going to be tough, especially because I have to plan something that's probably going to happen during my exam week. Hugablughablugh.
3.) Crank out at least two more SEOTS blogs, do at least two more beauty reviews, and possibly gain one more blogger follower? Or maybe someone subscribing to my RSS feed? Something.
4.) Get all my shopping done at LEAST a week before Christmas! No more last LAST minute shopping for this shopper.
5.) Drink my peppermint moooochaaaaa.
6.) Find a cute red dress (and a nail polish to match) for my first Christmas picture!
7.) Find decorations for my Christmas tree!
8.) Not spending anymore unnecessary money. I know this is obviously HARD to do, seeing as a peppermint mocha is not exactly necessary, and costs money. Also, I suppose I could reuse my black dress, buuuut that's not very Christmas-y of me, is it? It is very important to be one with the holiday spirit. ;o)

That's all I can think of off the top of my head, because i'm in the middle of a war zone right now. The war on sleep, that is. My brain... seems to want to blog instead of getting some decent shut eye. My eyes are declaring a mutiny, and i'm about to start snoring with my eyes open soon.

PinkStar26